Heavy Heart and Mind

I don't know where to start. I lost two classmates in the past three weeks. It makes me sad and pensive. One fought long and hard to keep living and she died of brain cancer. The other took his own life. I know of four people that have committed suicide in the past few weeks. Not all of them personally, but I know people that it effects. Suicide hits me in a hard way because of my personal struggles and those of people close to me. I am afraid to say too much, so I won't.

I know so many people some sort of cancer right now. My Grandpa has leukemia for one. Other friends, coworkers and acquaintances have cancer or someone in their life does. It's so sad, and yet I know these types of things were foretold.

There's a girl I know of that just had an abortion. I know people who intentionally drink or smoke or do drugs to have low birth weights or because they don't care. Where I, and so many other ladies, would (and have) done anything to be a mother.

I've just been so sad and down lately. Even though I don't (and never have) celebrate holidays, the winter months bum me out. Whether it be because of SAD or because of the sappy commercials, movies, tv shows or maybe just because of all the hype of family time and togetherness and my family lives so far away, I just don't know. I don't feel like doing much, but then I cry because I'm not doing anything. I do stuff and then I wish I was at home. Ugh.

I don't know my point. Life and death and family and loving and missing people are all on my mind. I'm such a sentimental person anyways, but it's been amplified by all the recent events.