Friday, March 31, 2006

You know, I haven't really discussed this whole infertility thing (or even wanting a baby now-as opposed to later in life) with a whole lot of people. Most people I have mentioned it to are coworkers that I see rarely that are nurses, or random strangers. Well, not really, but I don't discuss it so much with people in my congregation, or people that I see real often. I don't know. I'm tired. I might reread this later and say this is all a bunch of hoohah.

What I'm trying to say is that I have gotten a few "fun" responses from "well intentioned" people.

At a photo shoot a couple weeks ago, I was shooting a six month old baby. I asked if I could hold him. They asked if we wanted a baby, I said yes, but it's been taking awhile. They said, "take him over night, you won't want one anymore".

I've also been reminded by people that babies cost money, you don't get to go out anymore, you can't put them back, you can't change your mind, they cry, they stink, they make noise, they'll probably break things, we won't be able to do what we like to do anymore because of a child.

Uh, yeah. So, I don't know....the first analogy that popped into my mind right now is someone telling me they wanted to buy a car. "You know you could get a flat tire, right? That you will have to spend money on tires, gas, oil changes, tune ups, etc.... You could even get hurt or die in an accident."

I believe the benefits far outweigh the, what? Cons? Losses? Troubles? I don't see it this way at all. I am not naive to what it takes to raise a child. Sure, I don't know it necessarily FIRST hand, but being around several friends that have babies/children, having been a babysitter at the age of seven for my baby cousins (I was mature), being a respite worker for a young, single mother out in New Hampshire....I know what it entails. I also work in group homes with adults. I wipe adult butts, I change adult depends, I clean up adult poop, pee, puke, and periods. I think I can handle a baby's butt.

It actually offends me a bit, and makes me feel terribly sad that my friends think I'm inadequate. Or is it that they want to know what I'm getting into? Or is it that they know I'm wanting it so bad that they are trying to make me feel better? I don' t know. But this whole, "trust me, you don't really want a baby" thing is not cool. But thanks for trying.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Results are in.....

So Monday I went to the hospital to have the labs done for some infertility answers. This morning I got home from work and I had a message from Dr. B. He said that he wanted to give me my results, nothing bad, but he wanted to talk about them before he left on vacation tonight and wouldn't be back until April 1st. Well, I don't care to wait that long to find anything out. So I called him back and left a message. Then I went to my Facilitators meeting, told Don to have him call me there if necessary, and waited. Nothing. One of my biggest pet peeves is waiting on a phone call. Or when people don't call me back. So I called him again before we went out to the new house to get some work done.

His nurse even knew it was me. "Is this Cat again?" Well, yeah.....he still hasn't called me back! "He's in with another patient, he'll call you later." When I explained that I was leaving RIGHT THEN to go to Sleepy Eye, she asked if I could wait a half hour. I said no. So I gave her my work number that I would be at tonight from 3:30-6. We hung up. He called right back. Funny, huh?

Anyways. I wish I would've paid more attention. I was shocked and dismayed, and trying not to cry. But let's see. Thyroid is fine. Prolactin went back to normal. Some other test showed that I did not ovulate this month. I went into how I had been doing the Basal thermometer like I was told, and my temperature peaked, my cervical mucus was doing all the things it was supposed to do, etc, etc.....he said that stuff can all still happen, it doesn't mean that you will actually produce an egg. And then he told me my testosterone level was high, and this is indicative of PCOS. Don's ex wife had high testosterone levels, and she had to shave daily....he assured me that not everyone has levels THAT high. But the next step would be to take Chlomid. I'm guessing on that spelling. It's an "infertility pill" that I take on day 5 of my period for five days. Keep counting, should ovulate on day 14. If not pregnant, should get period day 28.

Chlomid has to "serious side effects". One is that it increases the possiblity of twins. I asked how much. He said normal chance of twins is 2% and Chlomid increases it to 5 or 6%. Well, I'm not too worried about that.

But it can also create ovarian cysts. So now monthly, before he fills my next five day dose, I have to go in for a pap. Oh ish. It was already enough to do it yearly. The things we do for the things we want, eh?

Saturday, March 18, 2006

So here's the deal.

Alright, I promised an update, didn't I?

Don and I found a house in Sleepy Eye. Our friends had bought it (well, were in the process) just to flip it. So we discussed buying it from them. That is what we're going to do. We plan on signing middle of April. So until then, the four of us (Doug and Cathie, Don and myself- D&C and D&C) are remodeling. They're doing the bathroom, and we're doing the living room. The man that lived there raised seven children in that house, five girls and two boys. He also thought he was quite the carpenter and craftsman, and I appreciate that, I really do. I love crafts, art, working with my all know that! So I give him credit for trying. But, oh boy, it is a lot of work UNDOING what he did!

First thing that had to go was the paneling in the L Room. It was ugly. Plain and simple. The dear man decided it should also go on the ceiling. I don't know why. So I ripped that off. Only to find another layer of paneling....and then another. Yes, three layers of paneling, each uglier than the last. All different grains and styles.

Under the paneling was masonite, which wasn't bad to pull off. Actually, either was the paneling. Then came the plaster. Wow, do I love ripping that stuff off! More like pounding it in, but still.

And now, the worst part.

I hate, hate, hate lathe. I had never heard of or seen it before, but now I have. And it is NOT FUN to rip off. Not at all. And then of course, the lovely asbestos underneath.

In the bathroom, same story. But not paneling. Layers upon layers of wallpaper.

It's a lot of work. And that's fine. My body loves it. It feels good. Well, no, it is sore tonight, but it's so exciting that this house will be OURS. But it is proving quite dificult to fit it around my full time job, my photo job, and Don's job. Plus service, meetings, etc. So, yeah, we've been busy.

As for the baby trying.

Went in and met with an OB/GYN finally per my regular doctors suggestion. He seems nice enough, and gave us a series of five steps. Monday is step one: labs.

Each step is a a little more serious, and costly, than the last. Hopefully we'll find out before I have to have a tube put in my belly button. Ish. But, I already have a hole there from my surgery last year, so no biggie.

After all this, hopefully we'll find out why we haven't been able to have a successful pregnancy. We've been trying since October 2004......

And then photography business:
I have eight weddings booked for this year, and I am pumped! My business is growing, and I am just so proud. I had an engagement and childrens shoot this week, and both were with the new Rebel XT. I LOVE THAT CAMERA!

That's it for now...... Love ya!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Oh man...I haven't seen you for AGES!

Yeah, so I haven't been using this site at all apparently. I was all hooked (still am) on myspace and haven't even thought about using this. But now I think I will. I like the fact that maybe not everyone will read this, just a select few. Because although it is nice to chit chat with school mates, I don't really care for them to know everything about my current life. So this week I am taking four of my clients on a vacation in the Cities area, and by Mille when I get back I will tell you all about my new journeys in life: Infertility and buying a house.