Friday, March 31, 2006

You know, I haven't really discussed this whole infertility thing (or even wanting a baby now-as opposed to later in life) with a whole lot of people. Most people I have mentioned it to are coworkers that I see rarely that are nurses, or random strangers. Well, not really, but I don't discuss it so much with people in my congregation, or people that I see real often. I don't know. I'm tired. I might reread this later and say this is all a bunch of hoohah.

What I'm trying to say is that I have gotten a few "fun" responses from "well intentioned" people.

At a photo shoot a couple weeks ago, I was shooting a six month old baby. I asked if I could hold him. They asked if we wanted a baby, I said yes, but it's been taking awhile. They said, "take him over night, you won't want one anymore".

I've also been reminded by people that babies cost money, you don't get to go out anymore, you can't put them back, you can't change your mind, they cry, they stink, they make noise, they'll probably break things, we won't be able to do what we like to do anymore because of a child.

Uh, yeah. So, I don't know....the first analogy that popped into my mind right now is someone telling me they wanted to buy a car. "You know you could get a flat tire, right? That you will have to spend money on tires, gas, oil changes, tune ups, etc.... You could even get hurt or die in an accident."

I believe the benefits far outweigh the, what? Cons? Losses? Troubles? I don't see it this way at all. I am not naive to what it takes to raise a child. Sure, I don't know it necessarily FIRST hand, but being around several friends that have babies/children, having been a babysitter at the age of seven for my baby cousins (I was mature), being a respite worker for a young, single mother out in New Hampshire....I know what it entails. I also work in group homes with adults. I wipe adult butts, I change adult depends, I clean up adult poop, pee, puke, and periods. I think I can handle a baby's butt.

It actually offends me a bit, and makes me feel terribly sad that my friends think I'm inadequate. Or is it that they want to know what I'm getting into? Or is it that they know I'm wanting it so bad that they are trying to make me feel better? I don' t know. But this whole, "trust me, you don't really want a baby" thing is not cool. But thanks for trying.


James Z said...

In their defense, I wonder if maybe those people are just trying to make you feel better by telling you it's not all good.


Yeah, the car analogy is perfect. Obviously a prospective car owner knows what they're in for, but they still want one.
I can't believe someone said: "Take him over night, you won't want one". I rememeber my wife and I once babysat three little kids for two nights. When their parents came to pick them up they asked me if I still wanted kids. I told them three at once was a bit overwhelming, but I wouldn't be opposed to one at a time. I'm not sure where I'm going with this story.

Anonymous said...

Maybe those people went into it totally ignorant. Maybe they didn't know it would be hard and had some fanciful ideas of what parenthood entailed, and now they assume that you have the same level of ignorance that they did, when clearly you do not. I think when people try edjucating others they clearly have the assumption that the other person needs teaching. Perhaps they regret their decisions, perhaps they had an accident that is now hard to deal with, perhaps they were living on a different planet where all babies never cried and were born potty trained. Either way, they clearly have some issue going on and it is their issue, not yours.

-Jennifer Z.