Small Town? Nahhhh.

As per the census ten years ago, the population of my town is 3,515. Who knows? We could be up to 3.600 now with the new count. :) It's one of those everyone-knows-everyone-even-if-they-don't-know-it kind of towns.

After work today I went to one of the thrift stores in town to check out yarn and whatever little goodies could be in there. I gathered my things and brought them to the register. Older volunteer lady rings me up and tells me the total. I write out my check (so small they don't do debit and I rarely carry cash) and she takes it and looks at it and starts to read it all, "Do you...Oh, here's your phone number...Is everything current?" "Yes, Ma'am." "How do you say your last name?" "Manchack." "Manchack? Hmmm.....Manchack. That's a new name." Smiles. "We've lived here for almost five years now." "Oh, really? Hmmmm....."

I wanted to tell her that I've been in there several times before. I have no idea if she's been in there or not....I don't really pay attention to the ladies as they all stand in a cluster and talk amongst themselves and don't really pay attention to the customers.

If I told her we bought Chuck's house, and if I were a betting person, I'd bet you $10 she'd know whose house I bought, where we lived then, and "something" about us. It's one of those crazy towns where people know you by the car you drive, the house color, who your neighbor is, or the sequence of the last few owners.

My hometown had a population of 18,351 at the 2000 census. I'd say with college kids, etc, it was well over that. The town I work in is 13,594. They're nowhere near big cities. But still everyone knows a lot of people. I didn't like living in Houston because people are rude and show no compassion towards others. I didn't figure it out until Don moved up here that the reason is they just don't care. Don had mentioned something about how he kept seeing the same person or their car or something like that. I was like, "Uh...yeah?" Then it hit me. They're never going to see someone again, so who cares how you treat them?

So Houston/big cities=I don't care for lack of niceness. Small town=weirdos knowing your business even though you don't know them. Creeps me out.

I was shooting a wedding once and the people at the table were telling me that we're their neighbors. Cool. "So where do you live?", I ask. "Around the corner on Elm." "Which house?" "The brick one."

Um. So you can know exactly where I live and whatnot, but I can't know where you live? Creepy.

How To Explain My Feelings: I am a Jerk

Infertility effects everyone differently. So do miscarriages. I have known many women personally going through infertility and they all have different, but similar, outlooks on it. Their spouses all react differently as well. Don is supportive of me, and has hopes and dreams for children, too. I still feel like he doesn't really get it. And it's partially my fault since I clam up rather than talk about it. Men are fixers and women are listeners. I vent to my women friends and talk to Don not nearly enough on this situation. I need to fix that.

I think one of the bigger factors is that, like someone once told me, "ANYONE can have a baby." Well, obviously not. But still. I watch 19 Kids & Counting on occasion, Teen Mom, A Baby Story, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, etc, etc, etc. I remember girls getting pregnant when we were in 7th grade. I watch the news about people killing their babies because they didn't want to be harassed by their parents anymore. Etc, etc, etc.


It's not like I feel like I'm less of a woman necessarily. It's more like I feel incomplete and not capable.

And at times, I don't feel understood. I think some people think I'm whiny. Hey, at times, I might be! But these tend to be the same people who "decide" to have a baby and get pregnant that next month. I still get the comments saying that I don't REALLY want a baby. They're so.much.work. They poop, they cry, they spit up, you can't go out anymore, etc, etc. Grow up, folks. This isn't anything new. I'm pretty sure I know the mechanics of a baby and how it'll all go down. Guess what? I've been around kids my entire life and started babysitting when I was 8. I know that babysitting isn't the same. But I also know parents who became parents without ever having even held a baby. I've got one up on you there.

The medications and procedures I've gone through so far are NOTHING compared to what there could be in store in the future. But, I gotta tell you, they haven't been fun either. It's the getting my hopes up part that is really rough. I had an HSG in March and I was told that we needed to "really try hard" that month as a high number of women get pregnant after an HSG as the tubes are "nice and clear". Man, did that not feel good at all. It was weird. And let me stop you right there. For those of you thinking, "Oh, but if you thought THAT was bad-just wait until you have a baby!" I get what you're saying. Now listen to me. When you go through labor and delivery, generally you get to keep the fruits of your labor. I know this isn't always the case, sadly, but please, oh please, don't mock me.

I had it all planned out. We were going to Florida for my sister's wedding reception and I was thinking about how all of my family (almost) would be there. My parents, my sister and brother in law, my brother, my cousins and aunt and uncle..... and I could tell them all at once. In person.

I hadn't thrown up in 6 years. I was nauseous to smells and tastes. Even textures. My breasts were sore, and I was tired. My temperature was remaining elevated! I was so giddy, but wasn't trying to get my hopes up (yeah, right). I took tests and they were negative....finally got my period, and so on and so on.....

When meeting with my new therapist for the first or second time we started to discuss this rather large weight on my shoulders. And she asked about my miscarriage. I told her about it and said that I would've had a 6 year old now. I bawled pretty hard thinking about my child that would be in Kindergarten. The birthday would've been past the 5 year old mark.

I found out another baby in the family is on it's way. That's two in the next 6 months or so. I am happy. Very happy for them. Again though, dagger in my heart. I feel like a jerk for being jealous. I am a jerk.

Root Beer Pops, Fudge Pops, I'll Pop You in the Face...

Last night Don texted me to pick up a few things after my shift. Cool. I run to HyVee to get those said items. Lunch meat, chips, salsa.

HyVee has their meat/cheese aisle next to their frozen foods. So as I am perusing the joys of Oscar Mayer, I overhear this delightful conversation between two girls and a guy. All three probably not even 17.

Girl #1- "What do you want? I don't know what I want. Maybe Root Beer Pops?"

Guy- "I don't care, whatever you want."

Girl #1- "I don't care. Whatever you want!"

Girl #2 giggles.

Girl #1- Squeals with delight. "OOOOH! FUDGE pops! But, whatever you want, baby."

Guy- "Whatever you want."

Girl #2 giggles and smiles at me.

Girl #1- "I don't know! I can't decide! I HATE being pregnant! NO! Really, I hate being pregnant! This sucks SO BAD!"

I have to be honest. Besides rolling my eyes over the stupid conversation, I kinda wanted to ask her if she actually wanted the baby. If not, I'd trade her some Root Beer Pops AND Fudge Pops for it.

I Haven't Seen You Around Here Before

Yeah. I haven't posted since September. SEPTEMBER! I had some meanies posting comments, and even though I didn't approve them for you guys to see, I still had to see them. I was hurt and shot down and embarassed and all sorts of dejected. So I just stopped writing. Well, poo on them!

I have come to a crossroads with my doctor. This last round of Clomid lasted 16 months and that is wayyyy too long to be on it. He said he couldn't do much more and wanted to refer me to the Cities. Well, all the while, I had been hearing about an awesome specialist right in Mankato. I told Dr. B that I wanted to check her out first. I'm glad I did.

She explained things to me that no one else has, nor had I ever read. And if I had read it, maybe I didn't aborb it. She gave me a plan, and told me to call her on Day 1 of my next cycle so we could schedule an ultrasound to actually count my cysts, which has never been done. This way we can "see what we're working with".

I feel positive and excited to meet with her. I feel like things are getting done.

Or will get done.

What else is new? Oh, Don told me Tuesday night when I got home from work that our little mouse, Talulah, passed away. She was a little sweetie, and we had suspected something was wrong as she had a tumor on her neck for awhile. Mice don't live too long, and I will miss her little face.

My best friend is pregnant with number 5! Her kids are pretty excited, as am I. I think of them as neices and nephews. But then, I even think of my cousins' kids as my nephews. :-) She's due in October and just found out she's having a boy. I can't wait to meet him!

And my summer program that I run started on Sunday. So far, so good! The kids are all getting along and everything is super. YAY!

Long Time No See!

Man, so much has been going on, and I've been wanting to blog so badly, but haven't had the time or patience to do so.

Let's see....On June 7th, we found out that poor Nigel died. He was just so sick and unhappy, it was better for him. I am glad I didn't put him down and had those extra weeks for him. He loved to snuggle, even more so in the end. What a nice boy.

I felt bad for Simon, he was so lonely it seemed. Rats are very social and so I called the pet store we adopted Simon & Nigel from and asked if they had any rats for adoption. They did! They had Theo (prenamed)who was dropped off by his previous owners. The pet store lady wasn't sure how old he was or anything about him, except that he was having breathing problems and they were feeding him cat food to fatten him up (not supposed to do that!!!). I said I'd like to check him out, it sounds like he'd be a great fit. I didn't want to expose a healthy rat to Simon just in case, so this sounded like a possibility. When we drove to Mankato, I was so excited. At the store, I picked up Theo and he was just a soft little love. He let me carry him around the whole store and loved to sit on my shoulder like the boys do and hide in my hair.

I did all the steps to exposing Simon and Theo to each other and they hit it off. Once they were finally in the cage together, they snuggled and cleaned each other and had a great time together.

Sadly, as we were getting ready to leave for our District Convention on July 2, I found Theo had died. I knew he was sick, I just didn't think I would only have him for 3 weeks. We have decided to not get another rat. I am just trying to love on Simon more. Simon is doing okay, he's still breathing rough, but not as rough as the other two. I think he's lonely and it's sad.

Our "Keep on the Watch!" District Convention was awesome. I saw lots of friends that I haven't seen in years. Makes me happy! The information was what we needed! Don and I really needed that time together as I had been working my Summer Program thru my job and was putting in a lot of OT and not getting the time together that we're used to. We went to Savers on Friday night to see if there were any clothes for Don. Sure enough, we got two pairs of pants, a shirt, tie, couple of books, awesome old decks of cards and a COUCH! Oh my. Yes, we TIED a couch to our STATION WAGON. It was quite the sight to see, I'm sure. We noticed a lot of looks. :-) So now we can cuddle again. We had arm chairs for the past couple of years and we missed that connection.

I think that's about it for now. This is way too long. I hope you stuck it out to the end!!!

Come Buy Stuff

Don's Cafe Press has been selling like crazy. Thanks to everyone for their support! I'm proud to say the best seller is still "I Shoot People For a Living" which I came up with for myself! GENIUS, I tell you, GENIUS!

Everybody Hurts....

Oh this morning I woke up hurting. It's also raining. Am I turning into one of those people who will hurt with the change of weather? Well, for the past two months my hip/pelvis/sciatic nerve issues have all been flaring up. My eyes are wonky for the past couple months also, and I was just in to see the eye doctor a few months before that and they said all was fine. The heel of my left foot constantly hurts, and I'm pretty sure it's because I hate wearing socks and shoes...therefore, my sandals don't provide the support I need. I've been spending money that needs to go elsewhere on doctor's visit copays, meds, chiropractor copays, massage therapists, treatments, etc, etc, etc. Don & I just went to our six month psych check up. That was another chunk of change. There's so much more to this story, but I don't want to get into it. This is dreadful enough. Not happy, not cheerful, not productive. But this is my blog, and I can cry if I want to. I just hate not feeling well, constantly hurting (to the point of crying...howling....can't lay/sit/stand/anything....nobody understands, it seems) and being behind in my bills. I am working overtime for the past few weeks.....so less sleep, more lifting, sitting, standing, carrying, etc. *sigh* I can't even take my muscle relaxers and pain killers at work/before work because they make me sooooo loopy-ish. They don't cut the pain, but they sure make me drugged. Oh please, just have some sympathy and compassion for me. Please.

Yes, Yes I Am.

I love Noodles & Company. Very much. I even did a layout about it. That's how much I love it. Last night Don & I went in Mankato. I actually had a take away box and enjoyed it for lunch today at the office. LONG day. 9a-10p LONG.

My LOVE!

It's a GIRL!

Monday night at work I talked to a coworker who's getting a divorce. She asked me if we'd be interested in her hamster. I said sure.....but I'd need to talk to Don about it. Then she said that she also needs a home for her dog. I said probably not, but I'd talk to Don since he's been talking about dogs lately. So we talked and then called Ashley and decided we'd pick up the dog on Tuesday and do a trial run for a week....see how we do with her, how the cats do with her and how she does with everything in our house/life.

When we got to Ashley's house, the dog barked but was very happy and excited...she warmed right up to us. We drove to BK since we hadn't had anything to eat yet and bought her some chicken tenders off the dollar menu for a treat (Ashley said they do that). She loved them. Then we went to Walmart to return some stuff and get a brush, bones and two toys for her. When we got home she was so scared of the cats she jumped up in my lap. I felt so sad for her. Ashley had a cat before, and she was afraid of that cat at first, too, but then they were buds and played together and everything. It's kind of funny, she's afraid of Pesto the most. Probably because he's the meekest, nicest boy ever and isn't afraid so he walks right up to her to sniff her and say hello. Basil is watching from afar and Garlic is very scared. Don got out the rats, too and she sniffed their backsides. They sniffed her, too. We went for a walk around the block and all the neighborhood dogs (never realized there were so many!) barked and barked...but she didn't! Not even once! She came right up to bed with us and slept really good.

Wednesday morning she woke up with me and was so happy and wagging. It was so fun to wake up to. My cats are happy to see me, too, but it was just different. I went to work and she spent the day with Don. When I got home the three of us went for a walk....a different way...so new smells to smell. We all loved it. She actually got warmed up some to the cats and wanted to play with them, but they didn't understand that yet. She's letting them walk closer and they sniffed her while she was sleeping. Sneaky, sneaky!

Today has been great, too! She's just so fun to have around! And so smart! She'll go to the front door to let us know she has to go out, but she'll then walk to the back door when we get up. I want her to go in the back, not the front, so we've been consistantly doing this. But we go out the front door for walks. I've tried to take pictures of her and she won't look up at me, but hopefully that'll change with time.

Well, without further ado, I introduce to you, Prancer, our three year old German Shepherd, Chow, Golden Retriever mix.

How Do You Get COCK Out of CHACK?

So tonight our DVR was messed up. We called Mediacom and took turns waiting on hold (oh that music is annoying, but so is the repeated message every couple of minutes). Finally after almost an hour of being on hold, a lady gets on the phone. First the lady called Don Mr. Manhack. Okay, close. But then, she thanked Mr. Mancock. This is NOT the first time this has happened. He'd already said his name twice. But either way, how do you mispronounce our last name? I think it's a pretty easy name. Manchack. MAN-CHACK. Manchack. Easy. Oh man.

No Kidding

I think I want to rip my ears off. Well, not really. But Don just finished up telling me about a movie he watched the other day for FORTY minutes! The movie did NOT sound interesting to me and I didn't understand why he was telling me about it. So finally he sums it up with, "So she bent over pulling stuffed animals out of the bag that was supposed to be holding two million dollars, and you could see straight down her crack." I said, "Was this all because I said,'nice crack?'" He said yes. Oh for the love of......

I Can't Believe I'm Going to be 29! and Other Random News

I can't believe it. I really can't. I'm talking to Emily right now and she said, "I remember when you were 9. And 19. But I remember when you were all your ages, except one and two. Well, one. Maybe like 3 and 4." She also pointed out that I got rid of my imaginary friends when she was born, per my Mom. I had Sherrie and Suzie, I think. I'll have to check. I have no pictures. HA! I crack myself up!

Grandma is back in the care center, and now with her own room. She's so happy with that. They think she might be able to go home in a week or so. Hopefully! Grandma says she can move her fingers more and that she has been using the apple stress ball from Emily. She's very proud.

Still no babies. But we got our new king size bed today, so hopefully it's a baby making bed! Don has mentioned that I really need to go back to my ob/gyn and check out the Chlomid again. We probably will do that soon. And maybe check out Don's swimmer count. heh.

Emily is flying in Thursday so we'll be picking her up and then going to the MoA for cheese for Dad and I have some coupons for free cardstock at Archivers. Then to Tony & Julie's for supper and LOST and sleeping at home in Sleepy Eye. Friday morning we'll be off to Willmar for a day trip and back to work that night for my 24 hour shift. Then Emily flies back on Monday.

Dad sent an email with our Florida ticket info and itinerary! We're flying out April 15th and coming back on the 24th. WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bored Out of My Gourd

Yeah, I could clean. I could cook. I could bake. I could straighten things up. I could change my sheets. I could study. I could read. I'm in a slump mentally and it's making me slump physically. I'm also enjoying having an actual weekend OFF. So I went thru all my friend's blogs to see if anyone had written anything lately and then bookmarked them all (I always just type them in or click from another). Then I organized my bookmarks on the laptop since I haven't done that. I found some avatars and updated a few things. Checked my email. Um....we're watching The Kid. I had seen it a long time ago, but Don hadn't, so he DVR'd it a month ago or so and we're finally getting to it tonight. He's not loving it as much as he thought he would, so he's working on his stamps. I want to wash all the jars that I bought yesterday at the garage sale and organize more after this, but I feel achy at the same time..but maybe once I start, I'll feel better and forget about it.

Yippee Ki Yi Yay!

Our friend Ashlie had a western themed graduation party...we were all to dress up...Don even sported a lovely moustache!

It was a fun night and I saw a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a long time. I'm not too talkative right now, I guess....