Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Where is Emily Post when you need her?

So people have totally lost all semblance of politeness, ethics, helpfulness, tact, etc.

I understand how people stare and look when they see/hear something that is different. Sure, take a glance and move on. If you really need to know, ask me. But do NOT laugh, point, stare and whisper at or about my clients. What really gets my goat is when I'm trying to go in a place w/ a wheelchair, trying to hold the door open with my butt or my foot or whatever appendage might work, while people stand and watch me. Is it rude to say, "A little help here, please?" Even the places that my clients frequent, like Movie Gallery, where there are two workers on pretty much all the time and neither comes to help. They both just stand behind the counter and WATCH us come in. It's enough to make me WALK right back OUT.

And I am needing to grow a pair, apparently. I'm sick of stuttering, stammering, stalling for an answer when people ask me why I don't have kids. One would think the answer, "We want kids" would be sufficient. But no. Then people ask, "Well, then why don't you have any?" Am I supposed to go through the miscarriage/not ovulating/hormone pills/etc/etc story with them? Or just smile and say....what? What do I say? I was reading Ask Annie or whatever they call it in the paper and there was another couple from MN that had been married for 4 years that was having the exact same problems. They asked what to say when someone asks them the same question. Annie suggested saying, "I can't see how that is any of your business". Well, that is not my style. I am not like that. Even if I'm thinking it. Even if I will say it to Don later when recounting the story. Even if I say it in a blog. I have even tried saying that Don has a daughter. Then people say, "Don't you want any of your OWN?!" So what's the answer? How do I stop the questions? I always feel the need to say everything. Explain it all in three minutes. Even if I don't really know these people. Yeah. Uncomfortable.

I still can't get the answer down for, "Are you still friends with ______?" No, I'm not really. I wouldn't say we're not friends, but what do I say? Come up with the last time I saw her? Say the last bit of info I heard, which is what the people are probably actually looking for....location, marriage, kids, work, etc. Not if we're actually still friends. Those that know how close we were will also say things like, "But you were so close! What happened?!" Do I then say what really happened? Of course not. But I can't ever come up with another option quick enough.

So I just need some guidance, some suggestions. Some something. A friend and a baby would be great though. And maybe lunch with Emily Post.


Kimmy said...

I think you should say we're trying, thanks. That kinda gets the message across without folks to keep on with more Q's or you having to explain it all. With friends, I do think that saying oh I haven't seen her in 4 years, we kinda drifted apart is a good one.

beckster said...

ummmm who is emily post? when people ask me about kids, i just say we havent gotten around to it yet. :) when people ask you if you are still friends with people, just tell them the truth. yes or no. if they ask for more details then tell them MYOB!

Blueyecicle said...

AMEN to that! The pointing and staring thing I totally empathize with.
And bascially it is nunya biz for the baby.
I would flip the ultimat trump out...."Don't you think that is kind of a personal question ?"
Nothing makes people feel like more of a heel than that!
I know first hand. If I get asked one more flippin time...
"SO why did you decide to color your hair!" I might scream. But I always use the personal comment and people turn red and shush. Course I am so freakin anal, I will sit for hours thinking of comebacks so I will be embarrassed as little as possible.
Love your layout missy (:

Blueyecicle said...

Emily Post! Ultimate Etquitte queen! Wrote how many books?

lost_mind_2003 said...

With the stares, laughs and giggles: You have to remember that people are mean and stupid. Just ignore them.
With the door problem: "Could anyone help us with the door?" should work just fine.
With the kid thing: "We're working on it." Then grin and say, "Oh boy! Are we working on it!"
With the whole friend thing: I agree with Kimmy, "We kinda drifted apart." If they're looking for gossip just tell them, "I try not to gossip about people. If you want to know about them why not ask them yourself?"
And that's all I have to say about that.